In the last Presidential debate, a star was born — Joe Wurzelbacher, a.k.a. Joe the Plumber, an unlicensed 
professional from Toledo who became a shuttlecock flicked back and forth between the two candidates, John McCain and Barack Obama. His imaginary economic situation was pondered and pored over, and he was held up by Obama as the type of hardworking American who would benefit from his tax plan, but also used like a cudgel by the McCain to emphasize how the Democrats would hurt guys like him.
I’m sure Joe is wondering what all the hubbub is about. He seems like a nice guy. He certainly is patient enough, judging from the way he handled hundreds of reporters who assembled on his lawn at 6 a.m. the morning after a debate. He looks and sounds intelligent, concerned, a little worried about his future, a little conservative socially, but not reactionary. He’s no Joe Sixpack, but he may be Joe S’s neighbor, and as such, I decided to believe that wine is his preferred beverage.
Now, setting aside the fact that his last name sounds like a vineyard in the Mosel (you are interested maybe in a nice kabinett from ze famed Urziger Wurzelbacher vineyard above Bernkastel, ja?) I don’t think that Joe is into fancy European bottlings. He’s certainly not one of those ‘German Riesling sipping Conservatives’ who recently got called out by conservative Fox radio host and blogger John Gibson. (I’m not sure who gets the worst of that comparison, the sippers, or the Riesling.)
No, Joe is into wines made in the good ole U.S. of A., wines he can fling into a cooler that resides in the bed of his American truck next to his American power tools and crumpled American Red Bull cans. So if I were Joe the Plumber, what would I want on my table for dinner?
Joe would want something affordable. Joe’s financial situation has been analyzed up down and sideways for days, which was fairly amazing since his situation didn’t seem too complicated, so there really wasn’t that much to say. But much was said about his desire to purchase a plumbing company he’s been working for, which might push him into a higher tax bracket.
Whatever the bracket outcome, I see Joe as a man with modest tastes. Joe is the type of guy that would happily spend $15 on a bottle (of red wine — sorry, but I don’t see this guy as a Chardonnay type) but he probably wouldn’t spend a dime over $20 — that is not a bracket to which he’s likely to elevate, even for a special occasion.
And it leads me to wonder why in the hell most American wineries ignore Joe’s very reasonable predilections here? Either they don’t aim at all to produce well-made, well-priced entry level bottlings, or they do and the results are barely drinkable, and are likely to drive off a guy like Joe, until he swears off wine altogether. For the same chunk of change Joe would do much better with wines from almost any other country — Spain, southern France, Italy, Chile, Australia, Argentina — but he’s American, and he wants to buy American.
It’s true that some wineries have mapped out this territory for some time with quality bottlings (Chateau Ste. Michelle, certain Kendall-Jackson and Gallo brands come to mind) while others have been created to occupy it (like House, Three Thieves, Twin Fin, and A to Z) but for the most part American wineries ignore the category, hoping that the market will provide customers for their higher priced bottlings without ever having to earn their loyalty with decent wine in a cheaper tier. Perhaps the economic tailspin will revitalize this segment of the market; perhaps there will be price corrections across the board. Joe the Plumber deserves nothing less.
And while we’re on the topic, Joe deserves something honest. There are places in the world these days where the wines imported practically come with a stamp of honesty (their quality may vary, their honesty generally doesn’t) like reds from the Loire, Roussillon, and Bierzo. But a vast majority of the $15 wines produced in this country taste not only cheap, they taste fake, cookie cutter, corrected, dumbed-down, smoothed out. Like certain candidates currently on the national stage, they seem to possess a lot of initial appeal, backed by a kind of obvious, almost truculent charm. But that initial impression seems fairly calculated, intended to conceal the fact that behind the twinkle and the flash lies very little of substance — a little like putting lipstick on a pig.
Joe deserves a wine that’s delicious, without pretense, that tastes like it comes from the vine and the vineyard, a wine where you can still taste the soil or the warm sunshine or the sea breezes that brought the grapes to ripeness. A little transparency, please. If there’s one thing a plumber has no trouble recognizing, it’s bullshit.
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Wine Notes: I mentioned a few wine categories suitable to the budget of Joe the Plumber. Here are a few that have shown a great deal of reliability and consistent value over the years, in the $15 to $20 neck of the woods. There are a few Gallo brands worth keeping on your short list, especially Rancho Zabaco and Gallo of Sonoma, and Kendall Jackson offers great values in certain bottlings from La Crema and Cambria. One brand that’s found its way into rapid currency is called Three Thieves, which has redefined the ‘jug wine’ market by putting affordable juice into a sleeker, more attractive jug.
You want bang for buck? Head north, to the Pacific Northwest, where brands like Chateau Ste. Michelle and Hogue have been offering tremendous value for years. And if Joe or domestic partner are interested in white wine, make it Oregon Pinot Gris; few white wines offer better value for the money, from the likes of King Estate and A to Z, both of whom offer great wines for less than $20.