Last week my wife and I were invited to attend a concert at the Hollywood Bowl. It was a jazz program, mostly of the smooth, baby-making variety. Not really my cup of tea, although I did get introduced to an insanely talented soul singer I’d never heard of named Phil Perry, and as a highlight, the performers took a break from their incessant softcore saxophone medleys to perform a killer rendition of Dave Brubeck’s ‘Blue Rondo à la Turk,’ a song I have loved since I was seven. Thanks, Dad.
A concert at the Bowl was a good excuse to run screaming from the as-yet-undeclared-disaster-area of our unpacked house, get 
out of doors and hang with friends. I swear I caught my wife smiling. I was too.
And how can you not, sitting down to a picnic with 13,000 of your closest friends? From time to time I would stand up with my back to the stage and take it all in. Above us in one section there was what can only be called a glowstick orchestra; maybe 75 people working their phosphorescent wands in mesmerizing rhythmic waves, gathering candlepower in the lingering light; they went positively nuts during a rendition of the ‘Theme from Shaft.’
Two boxes over from ours, an older African American woman spent the evening making these strikingly economical rhythmic dancelike gestures with nothing more than her shoulders and long, elegant neck. The movements were gorgeously self-assured, as if to say ‘you all can have your krumping and your booty articulation; I got all the soul I need right here.’
Mostly though, it was a chance to witness people in various states of musical inebriation, blissed, shaking it, or singing along quietly in their own private rapture. Salvation is never so near, my brothers and sisters.
On such occasions thankfully someone else is left to pre-roast 
the weenies and the linguica or toss the chopped salad. Someone, not me, stuffed figs and wrapped them with pancetta, a procedure that seems to have more in common with dressing than with cooking. The picnic stroke of genius was a watermelon salad made with heirloom tomatoes and feta cheese, ice cold, wildly delicious, exotic, weird, and perfectly picnicky. Hooray, Jeff and Alan.
Anyway, I’m the guy who brings the wine.
The Bowl is not a place for beer, though they do sell it and apparently people drink it. If there ever was a venue for wine, though, it’s the Bowl, and it hardly matters who’s playing.
Since the tendency for crowds is to be crowded, it’s not that difficult to catch a glimpse at what people are drinking. Some choices were expected–a lot of Sauvignon Blanc I was noticing, from California and New Zealand, as well as a Pinot Grigio here and there. Less rosé than the occasion demanded.
Some choices, though, were startling; who wants to drink Cabernet–no, who wants to drink Petite Sirah!–at the tail-end of a 90-degree day!? Swear to God! Stags Leap Winery! Terrific wine, but oh, the horror!! No amount of smooth jazz is going to make that go down easy, sister.
This kind of misbehavior has prompted me to devise the following:
The Dos and Don’ts of Picnic Wines:
1. Please God, let’s not drink anything cheap. Nothing will show up a cheap wine like direct sunlight. At the same time, you don’t want to drink anything expensive either. Nothing less than $10, and nothing more than $25. You’ll have more than enough options in that range.
2. Consider screwcapped wines. A screwcap is a very positive indicator that the wine is meant to be consumed young, cold, and immediately, and what more could you ask for in a picnic wine? Few wines are simpler to open and close, or for that matter to re-cap and bury in the ice again. Plus it means you don’t have to pack a corkscrew.
3. And speaking of ice: chill your wine, no matter what it is. That means whites and rosés of course, but also many reds benefit from a chill. Look for red wines that don’t possess a lot of tannin–Barbera, Loire Cabernet Franc, Pinot Noir, and especially Beaujolais. We had a delicious and inexpensive Beaujolais-Villages from Jadot, as well as an absolutely marvelous Bourgueil from Catherine and Pierre Breton, refreshing and versatile. So don’t skimp on the ice, and don’t be afraid to chill the red.
4. Bubbles are a very wonderful option. There really isn’t a better occasion for Prosecco, Cava, or a domestic sparkling wine, the latter of which are richer and more robust than Champagne, making them perfect for outdoor dining. Few things are more refreshing than bubbles in the glass. Our choice was the Blanc des Blancs from Gloria Ferrer, which had just the right amount of body to get us all in the mood.
5. For those of you who say that ‘you don’t like white wine,’ get over it. What is up with that? What is it you think you’re not liking? Have you even tried them? Does it mean you don’t like lemonade? White wines across the board are the obvious and most versatile accompaniment to summer fare, where fresh and immediate flavors reign. Please, dispense with your prejudices. You’re missing out.
6. Ditto, pink wine. What’s not to love about rosé, and what better occasion than a picnic? I still hear of aversions to pink and it drives me mildly nuts. If you’re avoiding rosé at this stage in your life, remember: if you can’t find the words ‘White Zinfandel’ on the label, chances are good it’s not sweet. It’s dry and often delicious.
7. Let’s remind ourselves that the term ‘plastic wine glass’ is an oxymoron. Admit it, they’re fairly ridiculous, and I’d call for a ban except for the fact that they don’t break, which is important to some people. (At the rate I break glasses, you’d think it was important to me.) But most picnics can accommodate wine glasses, and since most wineglasses come in cardboard boxes with inserts, they’re surprisingly easy to transport no matter where you’re going. If you’re forced to use plastic, keep the wines simple. Drinking a complex wine in a plastic cup should be a prosecutable offense.
8. Go easy on the oak. Think about it: Nothing in your typical picnic basket with the possible exception of a cheeseboard and a toothpick needs the support of oak for enjoyment. Bringing an oaky wine to a picnic is like wearing leather pants to the beach. Give it a rest, sexy beast. Instead, look for crisp, high acid, oak-free refreshing whites. One rule of thumb is to go coastal. If the wine is made near the ocean, it probably has the acid to refresh.
9. Make sure the wines are simply delicious, with equal emphasis on ‘simple’ and ‘delicious.’ Don’t give yourself anything to think about. Here’s one instance where the wine has no business taking hold of the moment. Rather it must be part of the moment.
Exemplary Picnic Wines:
Gloria Ferrer, Carneros (California) Blanc des Blancs 2003 ($24): Slightly rich, with a lively mousse, this robust sparkler from the fine Carneros property blends 100% Chardonnay for a heady pear scent and flavors of lees and golden apples. 88
Nino Franco, Prosecco di Valdobbiadene (Veneto, Italy) 
‘Rustico’ N/V ($17, Vin Divino): One of the best Proseccos out there, this is lively and fresh with notes of rose petal and crisp apple or quince. The lees build up the palate nicely, giving the wine a surprising fleshiness and depth. Would be tasty with ceviche or other chilled seafood. 91
Louis Jadot, Beaujolais-Villages (Beaujolais, Burgundy, France) 2006 ($12, Kobrand): A delightful little wine from the esteemed negociant house in Burgundy, this wine is fresh and peppery, with hints of purple berry and a mildly meaty scent. Its flavors are forward and bright, and a little chill to the wine brings it a bit of bite. A great partner for chicken off the grill. 88
Catherine and Pierre Breton, Bourgueil (Loire valley, France) Clos Senechal 2004 ($18, Louis/Dressner, and Kermit Lynch): Two of my favorite red producers in the Loire, Catherine and Pierre Breton are dedicated and precise in their renditions of Cabernet Franc. This entry-level wine is just the right thing to bring along for a picnic, with a peppery, garrigue scent of fresh-cut herbs and plenty of smoke to complement woodland berry flavors. 90
Elk Cove, Willamette Valley (Oregon) Pinot Gris 2005 ($19): This wine is like a primer in pear fruit, which is as vibrant and fresh as the fruit itself. Succulent, mouthwatering, unabashedly rich and pure, the wine never becomes heavy or opulent; a finely-rendered acidity elevates the structure and pulls it into focus. 91
J. Hofstatter, Alto Adige (Italy) Pinot Grigio ‘de Vite ‘ 2005 ($16, Domaine Select Wine Estates): A mountain wine in feel and texture, this Alpine Grigio has vivid, bright and fresh aromatics, but possesses a mid-section with a bit of heft, and even a note of pear-like sweetness held in suspension with a fine mineral texture. 90
Tablas Creek, Paso Robles (California) Rose 2006 ($27): 
Blended from Mourvedre, Grenache, and Cinsault, this deeply colored wine reminds one of Provence in its sinuous, spicy berry scent; it has a hint of that Mourvedre meatiness in the nose. On the palate, it’s big and muscular, but the bright strawberry fruit gives the wine lift and charm. 88
Muga, Rioja (Spain) Rosado 2006 ($12, Jorge Ordonez): Simple, bright, refreshing and best of all, inexpensive, this delightful pink combines the sturdiness of Tempranillo and the vibrancy of Viura, a white grape. It’s vibrant and fresh on the palate, with notes of wild cherries and a whiff of leather. You can throw this one at your sausages off the grill. 89